Parenting

There are some days when I really lose it with the kids. I have had anger problems in the past (I hope that if I run for public office one day someone doesn't dig up that sentence from years prior and post it all over the news as, what's the word, is it "propoganda"? I can't think just now) (just joking-about the running for office part, I added it as a comic aside because it is still a little hard for me to share about my issues with anger-enter: pride - again).

A little over three years ago, I had to face my problem head-on. Primarily, this was because my baby wasn't simply a cuddly cute chubby cherub, but one that I realized exhibited symptoms of the universal disease called Depravitus Humanus. I'm not sure why I didn't deal with anger that I felt when I got married, or even before that. I think it is partially because I hadn't experienced or fully realized the weight of my influence on others until becoming a mother.

I Timothy 2:15 says "But women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." (The Bible, NIV). Interestingly, this verse comes right after Paul's discussion of the order that God has put in place between men and women's roles in the church.; as well as a note about The Fall, Adam and Eve (See I Timothy 2: 11-15). I will not diverge into a discussion on submission here. I will say that the "women will be saved through childbearing" part applies to me!! Through bearing/rearing my children have I realized my complete depravity, and that by continuing in faith and love I am being sanctified (does this sound too Christianese?). As I am continually convicted of sin, I go through a process of confessing sin, repenting of it (stop doing it! yikes!), and reconciling the wrong I have done (okay, this is the most difficult part for me, I get so pridefully ashamed of my past sin, I don't want to bring it up, even to reconcile it). And along the way, Jesus helps me to see myself, my attitude (on the inside or the out) through my children.

I am going to tell you about today. To preface, I realize when I tell stories about my kiddos, that they are vulnerable children, and I am not trying to demean them in anyway. I hope that I do not come across that way in this story. We came home from a really great time at the library today. The kids were well behaved, Jillian's underpants stayed dry, etc. Enter chaos. Georgia fell asleep and I laid her down. I began cooking dinner. Elias suddenly jumps up from watching the library movie, screaming "I'm hungry!" Tears appear and stream down his face while he screams "I want a banana with peanut butter!"

Me: "Please ask in a polite way!"

Elias: "Please may I have a big banana with peanut butter"

Me: "You can have a 1/2 banana".

Dinner was truly almost done and I didn't want to spoil his appetite, so I gave him a 1/2 banana, no peanut butter . I could have cut his arm off and I don't think he could have cried harder. He was madder than a hornet. He squished up the banana that I gave him. He continued to scream as I told him to put the banana mash on the counter and go to his room.

Elias and I walk to his room. Jillian is playing in there. She looks at me with watery eyes and says "I poo-pooed in my pants". I can smell it. Elias shoves her out of the way to his bed. "I just want to be ALOOOOOONE JILLIE!" He wails. Do I deal with the shove or the poop? It's a toss up at this point. "Waaaaaaaaah--I'm hungry!" in the background as I take Jill to the bathroom to clean up. Poop plops in the toilet, soiled underwear in the dirty clothes basket, Jill gets a baby-wipe bath. I hear Georgia crying, then the smell of slightly burning frying chicken on the stove reminds me to check dinner. I wash my hands, twice, as I am really grossed out. Sort of saved the chicken from burning up, get all the kids to the table (forgot to have Elias wash his library hands--didn't realize this till after dinner), bribe them to eat veggies w/ a raspberry Hansen's "natural cane sugar" soda. At this point we are all having fun again. I bring up the whole banana incident. Elias says "I'm sorry".

Jillian takes a drink of her soda. "Its spicy, it gives me the hiccups" says she, hiccuping.

I give Elias his last bite of green peas and edamame. He chews a few times, gags, and spits them out, "They give me the throw-ups" says he. We all laugh. I don't push the peas, glad I am not cleaning up barf. We actually had a really good dinner. And Elias ate the banana he mashed with peanut butter mixed in for dessert.

So, two things from this long-winded story. One, how often do I say to God, or Dustin, or whoever: I want what I want, when I want it, the way I want it--NOW! And I'm going to make you know how mad I am about not getting it! And Two: I didn't really lose it with the kids today. God gave me grace to deal with the chaos, the attitudes. The kids are all in bed now *sleeping*. I'm waiting for Dustin to come home on his "Chow" break and share a few minutes together. Praise Jesus for my precious family.