The Kiddos

Jillian

Georgia

Elias

Walking with the goats

Georgia-Pie

Sisters

Parenting

There are some days when I really lose it with the kids. I have had anger problems in the past (I hope that if I run for public office one day someone doesn't dig up that sentence from years prior and post it all over the news as, what's the word, is it "propoganda"? I can't think just now) (just joking-about the running for office part, I added it as a comic aside because it is still a little hard for me to share about my issues with anger-enter: pride - again).

A little over three years ago, I had to face my problem head-on. Primarily, this was because my baby wasn't simply a cuddly cute chubby cherub, but one that I realized exhibited symptoms of the universal disease called Depravitus Humanus. I'm not sure why I didn't deal with anger that I felt when I got married, or even before that. I think it is partially because I hadn't experienced or fully realized the weight of my influence on others until becoming a mother.

I Timothy 2:15 says "But women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." (The Bible, NIV). Interestingly, this verse comes right after Paul's discussion of the order that God has put in place between men and women's roles in the church.; as well as a note about The Fall, Adam and Eve (See I Timothy 2: 11-15). I will not diverge into a discussion on submission here. I will say that the "women will be saved through childbearing" part applies to me!! Through bearing/rearing my children have I realized my complete depravity, and that by continuing in faith and love I am being sanctified (does this sound too Christianese?). As I am continually convicted of sin, I go through a process of confessing sin, repenting of it (stop doing it! yikes!), and reconciling the wrong I have done (okay, this is the most difficult part for me, I get so pridefully ashamed of my past sin, I don't want to bring it up, even to reconcile it). And along the way, Jesus helps me to see myself, my attitude (on the inside or the out) through my children.

I am going to tell you about today. To preface, I realize when I tell stories about my kiddos, that they are vulnerable children, and I am not trying to demean them in anyway. I hope that I do not come across that way in this story. We came home from a really great time at the library today. The kids were well behaved, Jillian's underpants stayed dry, etc. Enter chaos. Georgia fell asleep and I laid her down. I began cooking dinner. Elias suddenly jumps up from watching the library movie, screaming "I'm hungry!" Tears appear and stream down his face while he screams "I want a banana with peanut butter!"

Me: "Please ask in a polite way!"

Elias: "Please may I have a big banana with peanut butter"

Me: "You can have a 1/2 banana".

Dinner was truly almost done and I didn't want to spoil his appetite, so I gave him a 1/2 banana, no peanut butter . I could have cut his arm off and I don't think he could have cried harder. He was madder than a hornet. He squished up the banana that I gave him. He continued to scream as I told him to put the banana mash on the counter and go to his room.

Elias and I walk to his room. Jillian is playing in there. She looks at me with watery eyes and says "I poo-pooed in my pants". I can smell it. Elias shoves her out of the way to his bed. "I just want to be ALOOOOOONE JILLIE!" He wails. Do I deal with the shove or the poop? It's a toss up at this point. "Waaaaaaaaah--I'm hungry!" in the background as I take Jill to the bathroom to clean up. Poop plops in the toilet, soiled underwear in the dirty clothes basket, Jill gets a baby-wipe bath. I hear Georgia crying, then the smell of slightly burning frying chicken on the stove reminds me to check dinner. I wash my hands, twice, as I am really grossed out. Sort of saved the chicken from burning up, get all the kids to the table (forgot to have Elias wash his library hands--didn't realize this till after dinner), bribe them to eat veggies w/ a raspberry Hansen's "natural cane sugar" soda. At this point we are all having fun again. I bring up the whole banana incident. Elias says "I'm sorry".

Jillian takes a drink of her soda. "Its spicy, it gives me the hiccups" says she, hiccuping.

I give Elias his last bite of green peas and edamame. He chews a few times, gags, and spits them out, "They give me the throw-ups" says he. We all laugh. I don't push the peas, glad I am not cleaning up barf. We actually had a really good dinner. And Elias ate the banana he mashed with peanut butter mixed in for dessert.

So, two things from this long-winded story. One, how often do I say to God, or Dustin, or whoever: I want what I want, when I want it, the way I want it--NOW! And I'm going to make you know how mad I am about not getting it! And Two: I didn't really lose it with the kids today. God gave me grace to deal with the chaos, the attitudes. The kids are all in bed now *sleeping*. I'm waiting for Dustin to come home on his "Chow" break and share a few minutes together. Praise Jesus for my precious family.

Things That Have Happened

A few weeks ago we had an animal casualty: Lola the duck was eaten by a coyote (sniff). We forgot to put the birds into their pens one night, and Lola was the unlucky duck.

Dustin and Elias went on a guys camping trip with Cousin Ben and Caden; Susan and the girls joined her parents on Eliza Island-ahh, bliss! But hard being apart from each other, but good, too.

We went swimming today.

Dustin is in San Francisco for the weekend visiting two of his really good buddies.

Also a few weeks ago our baby chicks arrived in the mail and they have moved from our garage to their outside pen! Yee Haw!!! They are really cute. A couple of them have names: Scalliwag and Mexico (Elias named them).

My kiddos are really growing, physically, developmentally, heart-wise, too.

I went wake boarding today with our friends Nick and Sarah and Scott. What a TREAT!!

I started working outside the home again....I work per diem at St. Joseph Hospital in the Childbirth Center. I work there about once a week. I posted a poster in the nurses lounge of dates I am available to work. This has made me so much more sane regarding when I sign up for shifts. If I am not available (i.e. Dustin is working and we would have to find a babysitter if I were gone, too), then I say "no" to that shift. I have already fulfilled my September and October months with shifts I am signed up to work. Previously, it had been hard to fulfill my four-shift a month committment that goes along with my per diem position contract until I was already into the month. I don't know why it took me SO LONG to figure out that posting dates I was available would help this problem....perhaps it was because I had pregnant brain...I am thinking somewhat more clearly these days now that I am post-partum.

I RSVP'd to my cousin's upcoming wedding. Looking forward to spending the weekend in Seattle in October.

Went to a Zoo-Tunes concert to see Shawn Mullins...but more importantly, to see some dear friends: Becky Jones, Elijah and Lisa and Makaio Cabiles.

Redeeming Summer

Summer hasn't left us yet. What a gorgeous NW day. But autumn is coming, as it always does. And I get this "can't put your finger on it" feeling in my gut when the end of summer peeks at me. Kind of a sad, defeated feeling, like the child who is REALLY tired but doesn't want to go to bed and his mom makes him go to bed. That's how I feel about autumn coming. It is a good season, but it's disappointing that summer always has to end.

Summer has always been so dang fun for me. I love summer--you can garden, its warm, you can wear shorts, flipflops, tanktops, get tan, mow the lawn, pick berries, swim, eat popsicles outside, dinner al fresco!, grill, play outside, sleep outside, camp, see shooting stars, did I say play outside?, my mom doesn't work in the summer, go to Eliza Island, go on boats w/ out getting really cold, the sun doesn't set until after dinner or later--there is a lot to enjoy, but...I love summer so much that it is one of my idols. Idol: "a material effigy that is worshipped" (http://www.wordnet.princeton.edu/). Worshiping anything that is not God. For instance: In the deep of winter, I long for warm sun so much that my attitude is changed by this longing--to the point that I get impatient, grumble, complain because of the weather. In the summer, when its sunny, I have what come close to anxiety attacks if I don't spend most of my day outside, in the sun, having fun...its no wonder my home has been such a wreck these past two months. And so, I must repent. And then allow summer to be redeemed in my life. So how can I redeem summer? For me, I think it is by cleaning and keeping up with my duties as a wife and "house manager" and mom even if it means skipping a few minutes (okay an hour or two--or, gasp, a day) of the warm weather (without having an anxiety attack about it). Or maybe by ordering my day better (wake up earlier to do a load of laundry in order to play outside later). In the winter, I tend toward that condition called "Seasonal Affective Disorder" (who doesn't?), and so I must be all the more vigilant to not despair about the weather.

And so, as summer comes to a close, I am doing some belated spring cleaning as well as some heart cleaning: asking Jesus to root out the idols in my heart to replace them, by His grace, with Him.